i'm back !!!
yeah...... after like almost a mth, yah i'm blogging again,
asking y i abandon my blog...?
too mani things happened.....
dinwan to blog,
ppl reading might mis-interpret, so leave it blank lor,
been wasting my 1 mths time,
getting all wasted , late nights,
i'm just a wasted person.....
oni tis time round i din go bk to my old habit....
almost yes almost....
still cnt forget the day it happened....
dunoe y while blogging ,
all the re-enacts flashing back in my mind.....
scary, coz when i tot after a mth of emo-ing...
time will let mi get over it....
yet now....
soooo sick.... dun understand y,
i hate it, when i tot i have oreadi let go,
its still there
now i'm 1 person full of hatred,
i hate myself ,
hate him for hurting me,
simply hate it,
juz when i tot i have oreadi starting forgetting wat happen,
then i realise my phobia din left mi a single bit,
yet it has oreadi been my shadow,
realli all the doubts in me.... question mark marching up dwn in my brain,
tat feeling SUCKS,
1mth le... yet still haunting me....
end of the day,
my turn to the bridge,
my weigh of happiness has neva been lighter,
hatred sorrows r weighing me way down,
he asked mi y am i out drinking everydae
even wheni veri tired i still go out,
i cnt stay hm
wheni'm alone,
i thinking....
i dun wan to mess up my mind,
its oreadi been more then i can take,
its oni being out,
i get myself wasted, tots cum when i'm sober.....
i can't tink straight,
frends asking mi to calm dwn,
concern abt mi goin out everydae,
sicked tired...... where is my rest place.....
where's my courage to fight for my happiness,
tryin tryin tryin to avoid him....
he dun tink its serious,
oni tat chances given n given,
is no luffin matter,
now i finally realise infidelity is not the oni worst ting destroying a relationship,
there r other things tat can make 1,
感到又累又傷又害怕，
wall of fear built in defense,
haiz....
dreamt of bb3 juz now,
weird rite,
i dreamt i found him after 3 yrs,
i was blaming myself for letting him go,
is he blaming mi?
haiz, bb3 hope u understand the agony i went thru,
i'm juz 1 big loser,
tats y i say staying at hm gets mi all emo !!
n i'm pouring out over blogging,
tears on freeflow,
heart bleeding,
no immediate remedy,
takes time to heal , but how long, a mth has passed
yet still a new fresh wound,
the day it happened, my rashes all broke out,
it was extremely terrible,
went to see my doc,
he told mi,
medication i give u is to help mi on the outside,
on the inside of my emotions,
oni i myself can do it,
but....mi myself i dunoe how to.....
i'm hate to admit end of the day i'm still a lil gal.....
lover pat, tat kind of feeling sux....
everyone needs a shoulder to cry on,
everyone need a frend to rely on
when the whole world's gone,
u wun b alone ,coz i'll b there..........
pat lover...............can u help to push mi forward??
i wan2 stop dwelling on the past....
its sooo totally torturing......
mentally physically,
tormenting.........
dunwan blog.... i getting alll upset .....
byeeee
Monday, May 18, 2009
updates....
